


where do lovers go?

by dreamrush



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Break Up, M/M, Songfic, implied sexual content but just in one sentence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-07
Updated: 2020-12-07
Packaged: 2021-03-09 20:01:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,116
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27901933
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dreamrush/pseuds/dreamrush
Summary: Jaemin is tired of hiding his relationship with Jeno.
Relationships: Lee Jeno/Na Jaemin
Comments: 10
Kudos: 39





	where do lovers go?

**Author's Note:**

> hi !! i was feeling a bit down last month and this happened. it's mostly inspired by sad songs, specially the one i used for the title, so i made a [playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/28r71mSAs9Ihxamynq7fXj)  
> (listen to the second song "where do lovers go?" while reading the third scene for more pain)  
> i hope you like it;;

i

Falling in love with Jeno was easy.

A difficult task would be identify when it started. Does it belong to the romantic clichés of love at first sight? Or was it a slow, imperceptible fall until Jaemin's face slammed into the ground and a pool of tears emerged from his eyes?

Jaemin doesn’t know, and he stares at his reflection in the mirror for an answer. The man looking back is a stranger, someone who doesn’t care about the blue droplets falling from his hair.

Because he’s tired.

Jaemin’s gaze wanders around his reflection, searching for marks that already vanished. Fingertips brush over his collarbone, longing for lips that haven’t been there in two weeks.

It dismays him a little.

An eye smile appears in his memories, and he sees Jeno pressing a hand against his chest. Jaemin remembers what he said, the broken promise that left his mouth.

He shakes his head, snapping out of the trance.

Jaemin walks out the bathroom with a tardiness only he manages well. He gets dressed at his own pace, mumbling song lyrics and changing his outfit multiple times until he’s ready for a night out.

A completely different experience from when he has to rush out of a hotel to not get caught.

ii

Renjun is waiting for Jaemin outside his apartment complex. Glitter covers his cheekbones and purple surrounds his eyes. He’s dazzling even in a muddy street with dull lighting, and Jaemin wonders if he looks too modest in comparison.

“You should have brought the red jacket,” Renjun comments after a quick scrutiny of his clothes.

“This one is warmer,” Jaemin says, and gets into his best friend’s car to avoid more questions.

Because he’s lying.

Jaemin’s favorite jacket might be collecting dust under a worn out bed. Or perhaps someone already found it and sold it online.

There’s a possible scenario of Jeno picking it up before leaving, he’s always the one staying afterwards. But Jaemin doesn’t want to text him.

It won’t be necessary.

Stunning lights hit straight their faces, making them blink until they get used to it. Loud music pierces his ears, engulfing them in the party atmosphere. On their way to the bar they find an already tipsy Yangyang, who by nature slings an arm around Renjun’s shoulders.

It doesn’t take long for Jaemin’s friends to leave whatever inhibition behind and dance, have fun and live.

He gives a step back and lets them have their moment. He doesn’t want to be a killjoy.

Jaemin didn’t decline the invitation only because it’s been too long since they last hung out. He would rather spend the night wrapped in a blanket, watching a romantic movie and regretting his life choices.

If he doesn’t go out, the chances of meeting Jeno disappear.

Except Jaemin did go out. He’s at Donghyuck’s party.

And Jeno is at the other side of the room, leaning against the wall in all his glory and a red jacket.

The incessant fight of light and dark can’t prevent their eyes from meeting, neither inhibit their mouth's desire to chase each other.

Jaemin presses his lips together.

He refuses to walk closer, but Jeno does. Just enough to see his face, not enough to give the idea that they’re together.

Music becomes a background noise and it’s only them, standing in the ruins of a world that refuses to be theirs.

Jeno takes his phone out of his pants. Jaemin averts his gaze.

**j**

_blue suits you_

_tomorrow_

_same place and hour that last time?_

Renjun enters Jaemin’s field of view. He doesn’t touch his phone until it discharges and turns off.

iii

Inevitable as a mistake, they meet.

The last sun rays fade out in front of Jaemin, showering him in a golden glow. He’s grasping the windowsill of the hotel room so tight it may break; he needs to restrain his hands from shaking.

Jaemin can feel Jeno glaring at his neck, almost hear the uneasiness of his breath.

They know each other so well.

“I want to tell Renjun,” Jaemin says, breaking the silence, not serene but determined. “And my mom.”

Jeno doesn’t answer, maybe because that’s the only thing he isn’t willing to give him.

“They can keep a secret,” Jaemin adds, observing the crowded street below them.

In the hustle and bustle of people going on with living, how many secrets are they keeping?

“Jaehyun asked if we were friends,” Jeno mumbles, toneless.

“Isn’t that part of being a HR manager?” Jaemin suggests. “Or being your brother?”

“If a third person knows, everyone will," Jeno repeats for the thousandth time since they started dating.

Jaemin sighs, his shoulders slumps. He understands the chaos Jeno is trying to avoid, the explanations they would have to give. 

Jaemin always knew. He held his breath and jumped into the abyss knowing no one would hold him, not even Jeno.

He drifted towards him during a work party, accepted his fate after their first time in a luxurious car. Hurried kisses in their offices took him to the sky and Jeno’s sleepy smile sentenced him deep bottom.

And still, Jeno is not someone he regrets.

And still... he can't keep holding on.

“I’m tired of lying," Jaemin pronounces in a brittle voice, and turns.

Like falling in love, standing in front of Jeno crushes Jaemin’s chest.

Jeno averts his eyes.

Jaemin can’t do the same. 

The magnet that brought them together keeps his gaze glued to Jeno’s frame. It makes his hand tingle to fix a rebel strand of hair, to erase the concern between his eyebrows with a caress.

He grabs the curtain instead.

White covers his knuckles, a rope of silence smothers his throat. 

_This has to end._

“I love you,” Jeno blurts out. Unprompted, surprising.

In spite of Jaemin, his pulse slows, his determination wavers.

However, a late confession doesn’t change anything.

“Is love enough for us?” Jaemin wonders, weak and hoarse but sincere and brave.

Two glossy stares connect.

No one wants to yield.

Two hearts break.

Jaemin speaks again. “I don’t want to hide anymore. I don’t want… this,” he mutters, gesturing at the space around them.

He can’t stand the grimace taking over Jeno’s face, so he closes his eyes. Instead of black, Jaemin sees a drowsy tangle of limbs above that same bedspread. And that’s enough to make him walk towards the exit.

Jeno’s fingertips graze Jaemin’s hand, yet they can’t stop him.

When Jaemin closes the door, he chokes on a sob.

Falling out of love with Jeno won't be easy.

But Jaemin will do it. 

iv

_You said it was love_  
_(Love was not enough for you and I)_

**Author's Note:**

> thank you so much for reading !! 💞💞💞 i really really appreciate it💞💞  
> if you saw a typo or grammar mistake please let me know so i can fix it;;
> 
> "you said it was love, love was not enough for you and i" are lyrics from stay by ghostly kisses (third song of the playlist)
> 
> aaaaand let's be friends on [twitter](https://twitter.com/pasdejaem) uwu


End file.
